man… i realize i have great people around me. great friends that have had and will have my back 100%.. you ask them a favor and they’ll say yes without knowing what it is and without hesitation because they’re that reliable and they care that much.. great friends that love.. but what i dont realize is just how much pain and suffering i’ve caused them. terrible how i just realize this now.. now of all times really.. its amazing how much they actually had to put up with.. i’ve taken their kindness for granted, for way too long.. and now im afraid that they’ve lost patience. quite frankly, i dont blame them.. to put up with that amount of shit from a person who you cant even trust or you have nothing to expect from.. shit, i’d be done with that too.. its one of those things when you just have to know when to stop on your own until someone actually stops you and makes you think about wtf you’re doing to yourself and to others around you.. its a terrible feeling once you realize this and you know you’ve tested their patience long enough.. hurts you in every aspect possible and, the funny thing is, you know you deserve it.. brought nothing but disappointment and pain into these wonderful people’s lives.. not one of them deserved it and yet it was brought to them all the time.. really do apologize to people i’ve hurt.. for the things i’ve done.. its time to finally grow the fuck up and start appreciating whats given to you.. start from scratch if you have to, just fucking change man.. your own self is begging you to